#Just beat it how to

#Just beat it how to

Very consciously over the past 2 years, IвЂ™ve learnt or rather IвЂ™m still learning how to not judge someone, maybe because IвЂ™ve been judged so much myself. Moving on, The one thing that comes naturally to everyone I guess is judgement. I understand that not everyone can empathise and thatвЂ™s okay. WonвЂ™t talk about things that bother me or disturb me, wonвЂ™t even discuss with friends, not with family either. And about 2 days back I decided IвЂ™ll not speak about them. ThereвЂ™s a lot of questions, a lot of queries, just a lot of stuff happening in my mind. DonвЂ™t suggest the olвЂ™ counting sheep tactic. Even after the exhaustive work from home schedule and an overthinkerвЂ™s mind, I end up turning and twisting and struggling to fall asleep. I mean, look, itвЂ™s 1:45am (again!) and IвЂ™m typing this. Off late, IвЂ™ve been having a tough time sleeping well at night. Pretty sure things havenвЂ™t improved much since my last blog post, but hoping you and your families are doing well. Stay happy, healthy & blessed wherever you are. If youвЂ™ve actually read through, thank you! IвЂ™ve never tried to impress anyway, and with this IвЂ™m all the more re-emphasizing that IвЂ™ll deal with whatever it is myself, my way. HereвЂ™s to me accepting my flaws & imperfection. HereвЂ™s to me opening up to my own issues. Maybe this is my way of expressing it and releasing it, maybe this will help feel lighter and maybe with this, sleeping peacefully may actually be a reality. But maybe this is my way of opening up, not to a particular friend, or to a particular family member. I donвЂ™t know why IвЂ™ve written this, maybe this is a terrible post, maybe itвЂ™s different from my regular writing, I honestly donвЂ™t know. But tossing and turning every night (and now mornings too) with this extremely uncomfortable feeling in your body, blood is unexplainably painful.

ItвЂ™s even more frustrating as youвЂ™re up and awake, your mindвЂ™s happily building on those unnecessary thoughts, and youвЂ™re consciously forcing yourself to stop thinking & fall asleep cuz youвЂ™ve got to get to work in literally a couple of hours! Anxiety could be the cause of it, I donвЂ™t know. Worse when it is accompanied by this slow but steadily arriving headache. And this tends to happen early morning, a little before sunrise. However now thereвЂ™s this new pattern! I could be deep in slumber but a random thought, sound, imagination or memory is enough to break this sleep! IвЂ™m not talking about dreams (or nightmares). I was beginning to get used to it, having difficulty falling asleep at night, the overthinking doesnвЂ™t help either, but I was beginning to accept and deal with it. Insomnia must be what it is IвЂ™m going through, but IвЂ™m no therapist. WhatвЂ™s the point then?! IвЂ™d rather keep it all to myself, if IвЂ™m the only one who can do something about it, right? Cuz honestly, others may listen, offer advice, but no one can really do anything more than that. Sure IвЂ™m aware that speaking, opening up to people helps make one feel lighter, but I feel itвЂ™s temporary. Off late, I may have cut off from people even more. Of course, in goodness, others try to break through the high walls IвЂ™ve created around me, but IвЂ™m a tough cookie. IвЂ™d like to believe IвЂ™m a very private person, with only a certain few having access to me & my thoughts.